Ahhh! The 80's. I loved them so. I was a huge fan of big blonde permed hair, frosted champagne pink lip gloss and black eye liner that you heated up with a lighter. I could, and did, completely rock a banana clip! Now I have sensible hair, subdued lip color and tastefully applied eyeliner. When did I get old and boring? I suppose I could try and work the eyeliner and lip gloss again, but without my spectacular neon oversize t-shirts and matching socks, the effect would be lost.
I regret not having children when I was younger. But it just wasn't meant to be. I didn't meet Lance until I was in my mid 30's and we flogged the fertility horse until it fell over dead in the yard. We went through a brief (and sadly disillusioned) phase where we thought we'd be "child-free". As usual it all ended in a crying jag...me, not Lance... and we started trying to adopt.
I wonder what kind of Mommy I would've been 20 years ago? Would I be as self-confident? Would I be as much fun? Would I have been a SAHM, or would I have focused on my career? Would I have taken my children and my family for granted? I'll never be sure how that particluar story played out. The only thing I'm sure of is that I wouldn't have been given the spectacular gift of being Jackson's Mom. ~sniff, teary eyed snort~ Man, I love that boy!
Anyway, I digress. You know what? I'm like Dug in the movie "Up". It's like my brain is trotting along in one direction and suddenly... "SQUIRREL!" Now what was I talking about again? Oh yes, I remember now... but then sometimes I don't. I'll start a sentence and then fade off in the middle. Lance will be looking at me with an expectant look in his eye and say "Yes? You were saying?" To which I reply "I forgot". Then he mutters something about me taking Aricept and Namenda for my Alzheimer's disease and how I make him crazy and how can anybody really just fall apart in the middle of a sentence...
Aaaand, there I go again. Wow, I really did forget where I was going with this whole thing. All I remember was singing Loverboy and reminiscing about how much fun the 80's were. I think I'm going to go cut the neck out of a t-shirt and have a private Flashdance moment. If you walk past an out of shape, middle aged woman wandering through Target, looking confused and singing "Maniac" under her breath, please stop and say "Hi!" I won't remember your name, but I'll enjoy the company.
One Month Post Final Chemo (PFC)
2 weeks ago